HAVE YOU EVER FELT THIS WAY?

I read allot of blogs.Most these blogs are bringing their children home from different countries.I am happy for them i am .Although i feel a bit jealous or overwhelmed as we have waited forever to bring our Jax home.Should i feel jealous?I am happy for theses beautiful kids but a part of me is like....Man this is not fair we should have had ours home a year ago.Michael and i have discussed maybe adopting one more in the future.But to be honest this adoption has put a whole new spin on our thoughts about this.
Landen's adoption was very emotional with allot of complications from this state we live in and getting him home.A long fight and lot of calls to the senator later and 10 months of stuff we were put through from our own state he finally came home to us.
Now Jaxson's adoption has fallen allot like this(not our state but our own Government).Someone with more power is pushing hard to keep our child at bay from arriving home.The emotions and the heart ache as we have watched our child grow without us.He has grown from a tiny 14 lbs at age 31/2 to 23 lbs at age 41/2.
Because our hearts cant take any more let down and the emotions...(YES i understand the ups and downs and curve balls thrown at you with international adoptions this is our 3rd international adoption).Michael and i have decided that Jaxson will be completing our family.We love each and everyone of our children but this adoption has been so hard.I have cried many times.. go through many of sleepless nights worrying about the outcome of our adoption.I know Jaxson will come home.I don't like when my emotions play havoc on me.
As Christmas nears and celebrating the birth of Jesus without Jaxson here with his family has been so depressing.Why do i feel a bit jealous when i read blogs of the kids coming home?I am happy for these babies they made their way to their families but on the other hand i have that overwhelming jealousy.Maybe i need to take a break from blog reading?
I am sad... although i am trying with all my heart to make it a great holiday season for our children it is not easy.I wish he was here so badly i know our day will come but i think it has been long enough now.I have not heard anything yet from senators office and it is depressing me so much.
Tonight i will pray for a resolution to the mess with the consular (like i do every night)i will pray my son stays healthy and pray he is being cuddled.I know he is in good hands every picture i get he looks better in them every time.Its just getting way hard with this wait and the holidays are not helping matters.DEAR LORD,give me the strength to make these days pass and happiness and health.

NOT HAPENING!

Jax will not be home in time for Christmas which is heart wrenching for us.I have not heard anything from state department or the consular in Liberia.I want him to have Christmas so i am sending money out today and the in country staff will get his gifts for me.Last year i sent him a short outfit ,a blanket, and a pair of socks.This year i am sending money and asked them to get him an outfit and a stuffed animal .I am sending extra so another child or 2 can have something nice too that has no one to get them something.
Today school was cancelled due to a big snow storm and sleet.The kids are home and bored.Landen has had an awful nasty cold and i been giving him medicine for it.I love boogie wipes as much snot as this child has those have been a great thing.Landen has been ornery today and quite a handful.He is now content playing with my singing Frosty the snowman.I am still praying we can travel right after Christmas to bring Jaxson home.Even if we get word we can go now we cant get flight out until after Christmas.
I am not feeling to great today and have put off wrapping gifts and finishing our Christmas cards.I plan on at least getting Christmas cards out in the mail today.

HOPING FOR GOOD NEWS THIS WEEK!

I am hoping this is the week we hear something about bringing our son home.PRAY,PRAY AND PRAY SOME MORE.MIRACLES CAN HAPPEN.

WONDERFUL WEEKEND!

This has been a wonderful weekend.Yesterday we waited for our delivery of the new freezer.Once it was in place we jumped in the van and the kia to head to ST.Joe Mo to drop the Kia off and be serviced.Our 17 yr old drove the kia..Once we dropped it off we all loaded up in the van and went to Ryan's for supper.
Landen ate 2 plates full of shrimp.He loves shrimp and was a full bellied little happy man when we left.We then went to Krug park.This park is BEAUTIFUL at Christmas the whole park is decorated in Christmas lights it is pretty.Rebecca loves going there so she was so excited.Our 17 yrs old griped all the way through.Once we got to the end he said...turn around mom and we can drive through it again haha.I guess he discovered he liked it after all.
Landen had his face plastered in the window..He loved the lights he kept saying...MEERY KISSMASS he was so cute.Of course we had to stop at the north pole so Landen could see Santa clause.I got pics coming i need to find someone with a scanner who can scan it for us.
On the way home Landen was in the back seat babbling a whole stream of things and the only words we could make out was Santa Clause which came out very clear.He was clapping his hands and bouncing around.
Today we hung around home until this evening.We had to go pick Linda up who stayed the night at a friends house.Landen wanted tacos so we took him to eat a taco.Then to walmart to get some household items and cold medicine for Landen.He has a yucky cold so we are keeping him home from school tomorrow.
I am looking forward to a more mellow week this week.My darling husband only has 2 appointments this week so will be more relaxed then the everyday 30 minute one way drive we have been doing. It is snowing outside and brr is it cold.I hope to begin doing some baking tomorrow and doing some more wrapping of presents.Hope everyone had a great weekend.

A GREAT DAY AND NEW PIC OF BABY BOY!

Michael and I been on the go all week.He had physical therapy at the V.a. we went to apple bee's for lunch and then went to sears.Our 17 yr old son asked for tools for Christmas so we went to see if we could find the tools he wanted.While at sears they had one of the small deep freezers.I have always wanted one .My sweet husband bought it for me i was so excited.This is my early Christmas present from him i also got a beautiful new winter coat yesterday.Mine was pretty worn out as its 6 yrs old.So tomorrow my new deep freeze will be delivered and cable hooked up in our bedroom tomorrow too.Michael bought a new 26 inch flat screen for our room.I came home to check my email and found a new pic of our angel in my email.I was so excited.He looks so good and wow has my guy grown so much.This has been awesome day.

P.S. We did find and purchase the tools for my son Brian for Christmas too.

HOW DO YOU!

Get a child to sleep in his bed?Landen refuses and wants to sleep with us.Problem we are having is we have a full bed only.There is no room for 3 of us when Landen is in our bed i make a pallet on the floor.Him and Michael both are blanket thieves and they kick and stretch out.I get tired of aching so i sleep on a pallet on the floor.Last night we got Landen to sleep in his bed he has a night light and his sister makes a pallet and sleeps in the room with hm so he don't feel alone.Landen didn't cry last night he went right to his bed and slept all night.
Tonight was very trying.We had to make him go to his bed after he went to ours 3 times.We finally got him in his bed and he cried and cried.I felt awful but also know we all need a good night of rest.Any ideas to make this easier?We never had a bed problem until we moved him to the downstairs bedroom.

WAITING AND WAITING!

I heard from Senator's office today.She has sent everything to Department of state and said it will take 5 to 10 business days to hear anything.So in the meantime i have emailed our agency asking for an updated Picture of our precious son.
I have been keeping pretty busy around home as well.With holiday preparations and shopping.Today Michael and I got all the outside lights and decorations up.Landen loved it so much.He would make us take him outside to see the lights and decorations.He would squeal and say PETTY.He was super cute.
Not only did we hang lights but i also made dinner did dishes...Played with Landen and paid the bills and got half my Christmas cards done.Tomorrow Michael has physical therapy and after words i am coming home to wrap some gifts and do some laundry.I also need to start thinking about the holiday baking and candies i make.I try to do them early and freeze them.We still have plenty of Xmas shopping to do i am going to try to spend some time getting some done online.
I am trying to keep myself busy and my mind off this mess we are in.Pray we get good news very soon.