FEARS!

I have been a fanatic every sense Jax got the trach!Dust is bad on him so i spend allot more time dusting then i used to do.I vacuum the living room rug several times a day and i vacuum his bedroom allot too.I am scared to take him out of the house.Cold is bad for him and i just get worried he will get sick.I wont let the kids hold him until they wash their hands they are not allowed to touch his trach or the HME Barrel.
I am buying mask if they get sick they will wear mask.I don't mean to be harsh with the kids but their is so much that needs to be done and precautions to take with Jaxson.I also am buying sanitizing hand gel to put throughout our home and we will use that as well.One of us sleep in Jaxson's room at night with him at all times.Last night was my night to do so.Some times i wonder if i will ever sleep in my room again full time.
We are planning for future nursing to come in and to be honest here.I don't know that i want a nurse in here taking care of my child.I have trust issues letting go and letting them do.How do i know she will care for my child?How do i know she will love him?I have a hard time thinking about letting someone invade our lives all the time and putting my child's life in the care of another.Only if its a few hours here and there.I hope my fears get better as time goes on.Right now i am OK with Michael and Myself doing everything but i also see Michael and I needing a break.We cant stay in our home 24 hrs a day 7 days a week.We need time together out to dinner alone or time with our other kids alone.Is it just me or are these fears i have just because of the newness of it all?I worry so much about my son although he is doing 100% better I still worry.