THOUGHTS AND RAMBLINGS

It is almost 5 a.m and i am in pain and cannot sleep.So i thought i would write on my blog.
I have been thinking allot lately of the craziness of our adoption.How it has affected us and how our emotions are all over the place about how it is going.
In my true heart of hearts i know this is a test from God .Challenging our patience and making us stronger through this long horrific wait.I know we can pass this challenge that God has laid before us.He is a loving God and i firmly believe led us to our son.I know i have vented allot of the unfairness this wait has been.But it is all for a reason.I am letting go and letting God carry my burdens .
I will go to the end of the earth and back for our son that we love so much.we have never held him or kissed him.I hold him in my heart each and every day.I pray for him everyday that he stays healthy and to hang in there momma will come for him in good time.I don't understand the reasoning of why he cant come home and probably never will.
But i know i will be here with open arms when that glorious day comes.I wish many times i could write the Liberian President myself explaining the importance of letting Jax come home to receive medical care right away.But i know this is not possible.So i wait in hopes that the time is near to bringing him home. This has been very hard and very challenging for us.would i do it again to be this child's mother? Yes i would.
Our last adoption was a challenge with a long almost 2 yrs before he got to come home to us.I shed many tears over it and prayed.In order to get him home i had to get angry and do something about it.It did work 2 weeks after all the emails and phone calls we got approval to travel to bring our Landen home.I shed many tears over it and many days i wanted to throw my hand's in the air and say forget it all.But i couldn't because i loved this child for over 2 yrs and i was not going to give up.
I am the same with Jaxson i WILL not give up.I will do anything for him he is a sweet soul who deserves so much and all he can get out if life.I dream about our sweet son and how our lives will be making a big change for all of us and how we are all excited about it and ready for that change.I still have a strong deep in my stomach feeling that we are close to the day we will meet Jax.Please pray that my instincts are correct and we will be able to be a family once and for all.