HAVE YOU EVER FELT THIS WAY?

I read allot of blogs.Most these blogs are bringing their children home from different countries.I am happy for them i am .Although i feel a bit jealous or overwhelmed as we have waited forever to bring our Jax home.Should i feel jealous?I am happy for theses beautiful kids but a part of me is like....Man this is not fair we should have had ours home a year ago.Michael and i have discussed maybe adopting one more in the future.But to be honest this adoption has put a whole new spin on our thoughts about this.
Landen's adoption was very emotional with allot of complications from this state we live in and getting him home.A long fight and lot of calls to the senator later and 10 months of stuff we were put through from our own state he finally came home to us.
Now Jaxson's adoption has fallen allot like this(not our state but our own Government).Someone with more power is pushing hard to keep our child at bay from arriving home.The emotions and the heart ache as we have watched our child grow without us.He has grown from a tiny 14 lbs at age 31/2 to 23 lbs at age 41/2.
Because our hearts cant take any more let down and the emotions...(YES i understand the ups and downs and curve balls thrown at you with international adoptions this is our 3rd international adoption).Michael and i have decided that Jaxson will be completing our family.We love each and everyone of our children but this adoption has been so hard.I have cried many times.. go through many of sleepless nights worrying about the outcome of our adoption.I know Jaxson will come home.I don't like when my emotions play havoc on me.
As Christmas nears and celebrating the birth of Jesus without Jaxson here with his family has been so depressing.Why do i feel a bit jealous when i read blogs of the kids coming home?I am happy for these babies they made their way to their families but on the other hand i have that overwhelming jealousy.Maybe i need to take a break from blog reading?
I am sad... although i am trying with all my heart to make it a great holiday season for our children it is not easy.I wish he was here so badly i know our day will come but i think it has been long enough now.I have not heard anything yet from senators office and it is depressing me so much.
Tonight i will pray for a resolution to the mess with the consular (like i do every night)i will pray my son stays healthy and pray he is being cuddled.I know he is in good hands every picture i get he looks better in them every time.Its just getting way hard with this wait and the holidays are not helping matters.DEAR LORD,give me the strength to make these days pass and happiness and health.