Tonight is one of those nights where Jaxson is on my mind heavily.It's like a pregnancy and then not so like a pregnancy KWIM? I mean you wait to hold your new baby... you buy things, you prepare for the baby, you set the room up and wash clothes.The difference is... you don't feel them move,They are not close in that way.They are close in your heart as you agonize the wait to bring that baby home.
I agonize for him every second of everyday!I want to hold him in my arms and kiss his sweet face and tell him i love him a thousands times until hes sick of it and thinking to himself YEAH YEAH MOM I GET YOU LOVE ME! Tonight as i stitched his Eeyore blanket i was thinking wow I'm gonna be a mommy soon!I mean the New Mommy feeling hit me like a ton of bricks!I got a warm feeling over me thinking this precious little boy who don't even know us and how much he is loved and part of our family already.His pictures are throughout the house.His crib is up, clothes in his dresser, toys in tote awaiting him,Highchair in place.All the signs of Jax are here and we wait to bring him home.
The WAIT is so hard... Yes its worth it in the end when you have that child you have loved in your heart for many months and stare at his picture and talk about and plan for.Yet the emptiness i sometimes feel without him in my arms can be so overwhelming.I pray everyday that things move for him In Liberia that they see the importance of him coming to his family that love and care for him and want to give him the best life possible.
Its so weird to have a feeling of Love for a child you have never met in person but you swell with that love so much!I cherish this little guy!I wish the call would come i would be on that plane so quick on my way nothing could hold me back from holding him FOREVER and never letting go. Oh i Dream for that day to come! Pray for us that its soon! Pray we get I171H soon.
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